Evilution opens with a straight-up 28 Days Later rip-off. This is not an homage or a reference, but a total stepping on of Danny Boyle's dick. In a secret lab in Iraq, hell has broken loose. Infected GI's run around with bloody mouths, snarling and attacking everyone in sight, spewing plasma from their gobs. The only minor difference from Days is the occasional flip or running up the wall that one of the infected will do. This minor variation in theme reminds me of Vanilla Ice's explanation for how Ice Ice Baby was really entirely different from Bowie/Queen's Under Pressure. It didn't work when he said it and it don't work here. Anyway, a soldier tries to escape the carnage with a suspicious looking bottle of red liquid, and even though the attentive gate guards stop him, it's all moot because a bomb drops and blows the whole place up.

 

Flash-forward a year, and witness a nice young man moving into an apartment complex called The Necropolitan. This is our first introduction to this building, which figures in a loose trilogy also including Basement Jack and the forthcoming The Necropolitan. It is presided over by a mysterious and unnamed manager, played by Nathan Bexton. Instead of letting the events of the film play out against the backdrop of the creepy manor, we instead have it shoved down our fucking throats. Bexton is cool, and about the only good thing I have to say about the film, but even his deadpan delivery cannot save us from this ridiculous subplot. First he tells his new tenant that the building just appeared one day, during World War II. Then, as they near the basement apartment that is their destination, he tells the man that the chlorine he smells is because the building was built directly over a swimming pool. Wha-wha-what? Then he drops him off with some ominous jazz about always locking his door, and how the building is locked at 6 PM every night so nothing gets out...or in. *yawn*

Then there's Maddie, a super-hot Latino girl who decided on first sight that she must get a piece of the new white boy. She invites him to her place for dinner on his second night in the building, and lays it all on the line. We're talking candles, wine, low-cut dress, the whole shebangedy-doodle. They make small talk, and then she pulls out the big guns: "You have such sad eyes." I almost turned the movie off right there. Darren of course politely excuses himself, apparently needing to bring the plot to a grinding halt somewhere else for a little while. Like shooting some mice who never did anything to him with his icky red goo. That sounded bad.

 

Okay, just in case you thought there weren't enough plot points already, make room for the Army sergeant who is sent out on a secret mission to kill Darren, and anyone who might be infected, and retrieve the illicit serum. What is the serum, after all, you ask? Good question. Apparently it is not just a drug the Army was developing to make super-soldiers. Nope, that would be way too simple. Apparently it is an alien intelligence, which got pissed off at all mankind when the Army attempted to weaponize it. If you don't understand what the fuck that means, don't feel bad. Neither do I, and I'm willing to bet few people involved with the film do, either.

So now we get the whole Dawn of the Dead thing, with people being chased through an apartment complex by zombies, all the while throwing condoms (yeah, condoms) full of a quite deadly to ANYBODY mixture of chlorine and ammonia in them. The final battle between Darren and the alien intelligence is suitably stupid to this stupid movie, with the added bonus of being anticlimactic as well. Basically this thing is a winner on all counts. Pick up a copy for pointers on how not to make a movie. Chris Conlee, I'm looking at you. 

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