When you think of a singer/songwriter, what are your first thoughts? If they are not of zombies, robots, genetic-tampering, and self-loathing and heartbreak as essayed through the metaphor of sea creatures, both large and fearsome and small and wistful, then you are not thinking of musical genius and all around geek god Jonathan Coulton. His songs are sometimes sad, sometimes funny, often times both, and even occasionally uplifting. He accomplishes the double task of conveying poignant emotion through complex and humorous lyrics, and also satisfying us wannabe musicians through the crafting of cunning chords. The trick to his music is that he never winks; he genuinely occupies the three-minute world he has created, even if that world consists of anthropomorphized, color-coded stuffed animals. Being a natural storyteller, JoCo’s songs are inherently cinematic, and always generate strong visual images in my mind. I recently combed through the one hundred or so JoCo songs on my iPod, and compiled this list of songs that I think would make wonderfully idiosyncratic movies.

2. Dance, Soterios Johnson, Dance: This song was born from JoCo listening to the titular man’s honeyed-voice soothing him with the morning news on New York’s NPR, and wondering what kind of night life he might have. Hence, we get this brilliant imagination of a sturdy newsman who downs a can of Red Bull, pops a tab of X, and heads out to a rave. The younger people have to stand back and watch in awe as “he shimmies his shoulder, undulates his slender hips, arms akimbo, Jagger-esque, he pouts his lips.” This one gives me strong images of Urban Cowboy, with Crimes of Passion double-life vibe, except without the creepy religious dude (RIP Anthony Perkins).

4. Bozo’s Lament: We have shuddered at the sight of Killer Klowns from Outer Space, and heard crickets in the few theaters that agreed to show Bob Goldthwait’s turn as the alcoholic Shakes the Clown, and I think the time is ripe now for JoCo’s vision of a man literally named Bozo, which naturally leads him to life as a clown (sort of like naming your kid Tanya is relegating her to a life of drunk businessmen spilling whiskey on and subsequently furtively groping her tits during twenty dollar lapdances at sleazy bars called Cheetah’s…I’m sorry, what was I saying?). The song is basically Paggliaci as interpreted by Del Amitri, except our Bozo is crying both on the outside as well as the inside. He dreams of getting the girls like the lion tamer, except he is in the center ring, safe from everything, getting pie in his face all day. At one point he even envies the recently deceased human cannonball, because he’s free from working at the circus. That’s pathological. If you need help having the movie sold to you, images two things: the tagline is “It Sucks To Be A Clown”, and John Cusack as bozo. Lloyd Dobler in clown white and with a squeaking rubber nose? Done deal, baby.

6. Brookline: Brookline is apparently a place in Massachusetts that is known for its high bourgeoisie quotient, and which JoCo associates with selling out. The song’s minor chords, chromatic progressions, and oblique motion cause an almost palpable dread in the listener, and the lyrics, about a man who loses his soul to used books and Brittas, evokes a decidedly Lovecraftian feel. The opening line, “Not far away, in a place by the sea, something is watching, and waiting for me”, puts me in mind of Stuart Gordon’s Dagon, which is not a bad association (despite what some of you Philistines may say). So, being the unoriginal cat that I am, I want Gordon to direct it. It doesn’t seem that he will be doing House of Reanimator anytime soon, so he has the time.

8. De-Evolving: This humorous ditty is about just what is sounds like: a man who is reverting back to an ape-like state. But being told from the perspective of the man explaining it to his girlfriend, it takes on the subtext of how men tend to lose the manners and affectations that they pump up during courting, once they secure the relationship, and turn into the same messy, insensitive turds they were as bachelors. Things this song has going for it: tasty use of a Mellotron, “Monkey, Monkey” sung in a Bee Gee’s falsetto during the chorus, and the line “Keeping the thumb, but I’m getting dumb”. All good things, my friends. In the film, I would like there to be a serious of grisly murders that occur with greater frequency and ferocity during the man’s transformation, so everyone, even the g/f, thinks he is the culprit. Of course he is not, and has to use his new monkey instincts to root out the real killer and save the day. At the end the g/f will realize how much she loves him, hair and all, and they get married. Because we cannot have a monkey movie without putting the little guy into a tux. Now, how’s that for a slice of fried gold? NOTE: Better is a nice reversal on this theme, in both gender and will and direction of transmogrification. Check it out.

Tune in three weeks from now for the shocking conclusion! Same Geek time, same Geek channel.

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Tereasa   |66.128.243.xxx |2009-04-05 20:17:38 I may never look at songwriting the same again.

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