So, I know some of you are thinking this is just a rehash of Mall Cop, with healthy doses of Dr. Doolittle and Night at the Museum thrown in. Um, well, yeah. It is. There is nothing original, or even particularly compelling about this film. It doesn’t even measure up to the standards of Mall Cop, which at least had a more well-developed set of characters and a MUCH more believable back-story for Kevin James’s character. Here James is trying to coast on his good-natured-doofus charm, and is hoping you’ll be too mesmerized by the SFX animals and the eye-candy of Leslie Bibb and Rosario Dawson to notice the film’s shortcomings. It ain’t art, but it’s a bet he’s going to win, I think.

The Good:

The special effects are very good. The animals are a mixture of live animals, CGI, and animatronic suits. It’s all done very well, but then again, it’s all been done before, so you’d expect nothing less. Kevin James is likeable as always, and all the other actors do their bits. For me, the big standout is Joe Rogan. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him in anything, and he is quite a treat as the giant douchebag nemesis for James. It was also pretty awesome to have Sly Stallone as the lion and Nick “Clusterfuck” Nolte as the gorilla.

The Bad:

Unfortunately, the rest of the voice cast ranged from dull to outright shrill and annoying (Sandler and Apatow: I’m looking at you). And while some of the animals had funny bits and lines, once again, there’s just nothing new here. The monkey jokes about throwing poop. What a tour-de-force of comic screenwriting. Also, as I mentioned earlier, James’s back-story is tres ridiculous. He’s chasing after his ex-g/f, a pretentious, gold-digging head-case who would never have dated a zoo employee in the first place. When the catalyst for the story is nonsensical, it’s hard to suspend disbelief for the rest of the proceedings.

End Result: Zookeeper is not original, nor particularly interesting, but it does have enough funny moments and charm from James to coast along to mediocrity. You’ll do a bit of laughing, and it’s harmless enough, but it’s fair to say to wait for video. If you have kids, though, it is a good way to while away an afternoon in the AC, out of the summer heat. You see, it has almost no coarse language and very little even in the way of sexual innuendo. It is virtually non-threatening for kids of all ages. So in that respect, it is a pretty rare commodity.

Trivia: That’s my man Tom Woodruff, Jr. in the Bernie (gorilla) suit. Those of you who take their creature films seriously will know who I’m talking about.

I always enjoy the opportunity to see a free movie, and seeing it early is just icing on the cake. Even if I am in a theater full of toddlers. Seriously, if you are at a free screening, and you are not amongst the hundred or so people turned away after the theater fills up, be a little gracious. If the only seats are up front, or if the projector breaks and you have to move to a different theater, don’t be a fucking crybaby about it.

But anyway.

What it’s about:

If you’ve seen the trailers, there will be no surprises for you in the film. If you have not, here goes: Cameron Diaz plays Liz Halsey, a foul-mouthed, gold-digging, amoral woman who has absolutely no business being a teacher. She plots, schemes, and steals her way towards a boob-job, and accidentally learns a lesson or two along the way. Well, sort of.

The Good:

Diaz is quite good, but then again, she always is. She’s pushing 40, but only gets prettier and more enjoyable to watch on screen. Especially when she is gleefully vulgar and rotten to everyone around her. The supporting cast is pretty good, as well. Justin Timberlake is kind of wasted as the handsome substitute teacher with a full bank account but an empty head, but Jason Segel is well-used as gym teacher Garrett, the one person in the film who not only won’t take Liz’s shit, but gives it right back to her. The female supporting cast was my favorite part of the film, however. Phyllis Smith from The Office is adorable as always, and Liz’s arch-nemesis, goody-two-shoes teacher Amy Squirrel is played by none other than English actress Lucy Punch, who you might recall as Eve Draper from Hot Fuzz. I was also quite pleased to hear the soundtrack rocking both Judas Priest and Dio. Well played, Bad Teacher. Well played.

The Bad:

There’s not a single moment on screen that you won’t already know is going to happen. That’s just the nature of the big-budget beast. Yes, Diaz swears a lot and does awful things, but that’s the premise of the film: nothing shocking there. But unlike Bad Santa, you never get past “she’s pretty, but she’s an asshole.” You don’t ever scratch the surface of her personality, nor do any of her antics ever go too far. About the most evil thing she does is purposefully give someone poison ivy on the face. A motherfucking shitty thing to do, but it is pretty quickly down-played in the film. You are never supposed to truly dislike Liz, and thus the movie never truly challenges the audience.

And that’s about it. Not a challenging film, but definitely quite funny. Well worth a watch, but it can probably wait for video.

I will admit that I kind of thought the idea of playing out the classic romantic tragedy Romeo and Juliet with computer-animated garden gnomes was pretty neat, but it really was nothing that I felt moved to go to the theater to see. That is, until I scammed free passes to an advanced, 3D screening. Then all of a sudden it seemed like an awesome idea. So, there you go. And now here you go.

What it’s about:

Well, duh. I already covered this, and it is heavily implied by the title. In this case, it is actually the respective owners of a duplex who are Mrs. Montague and Mr. Capulet, and it is their garden gnomes (blue for Montague and red for Capulet) who play out the Shakespearean animosity, though they naturally have no idea why. They’re just hardened clay, for heaven’s sake. But for those in the cheap seats: Gnomeo is a blue, who through a series of circumstances encounters Juliet, a red, under the conditions that both their hats are completely covered. They have a successful flirtation, only to discover they have fallen in love with the enemy. Hijinks ensue.

The Good:

Pretty much everything. The animation is top-notch, and obviously the tale is timeless. The movie sets up the action for the younger people who may be watching right in beginning, with a gnome who comes out onto a stage and explains that they are going to tell a tale that has been told many times before, but it requires a lot of boring explanation. He then begins reciting the prologue to the original play, only to be dropped through a trap door. This gets a big laugh from the kids, and even in the establishing shot for the movie proper there is a Hamlet joke (the duplex address is, well, you can guess. I hope.). There are several other nice Shakespeare jokes (some overt, some clever) as well as a WONDERFUL running lawnmower joke (ha ha) and a pink flamingo with a Spanish accent. As far as the actual gnome proceedings, it follows the source material well while being brought down enough to the kids’ level to engage them without being patronizing. And while there are plenty of jokes for the adults, it never resorts to out and out potty humor.

The Bad:
There isn’t much bad in this genuinely funny, honestly fun for all ages movie. I will say that one scene, when Gnomeo and Juliet are spiffing themselves up for their first legitimate date, has the look and feel of an Old Navy advert. That was weird. Also, Elton John is all over this movie like hair on a gorilla. His songs are used as soundtrack, instrumental versions of his songs are used as score, one gnome actually becomes Elton while serenading a frog, and the weather vanes on both sides of the duplex, at the end of the film, are different versions of Elton John. It was bizarre enough to take me out of the film.

Trivia:

No real trivia here. I am sure there is, but I don’t know it and am not inspired to dig. I will say that there is a lot of great, if not weird, voice talent on hand. In supporting roles there is Michael Caine, Maggie Smith, Jason Statham, and Stephen Merchant. Oh, and Ozzy Osbourne.

I had already heard some negative things about this film before even stepping foot in the theater, so I wasn’t really expecting much. I knew that the Strause Brothers (pretentiously listed in the credits as “The Brothers Strause”) were visual effects artists, so I figured it would look good, but I also knew that their only other feature is Alien vs. Predator: Requiem, so I figured not to expect much else. Turns out I was right on the money about both.

What it’s about:

Apparently beings so highly advanced, when compared to us, that they can construct flying machines that will cross interstellar distances are somehow concerned with little old Earth. They emerge from the clouds in their giant-ass vehicles and begin shining a strange blue light everywhere that turns humans into zombies, and then they suck them up, yum yum. They wreak havoc in L.A., and presumably the rest of the world, and there doesn’t seem to be much anyone can do to stop them. Or is there? (no)

The Good:

As I said above, the film looks fabulous. The Strause brothers did not make bank in Hollywood over the decade because they don’t know how to create a damned fine image. The photography is good, the camera placement and movements are good, and the aliens obviously look excellent. There is really never a time when you don’t believe what’s on screen. They throw everything from spaceships to tentacled marauders to huge-ass stomping alien creatures our way. There are even a few surprises and some nicely creepy visuals. Lots of people get their heads removed for them, which is a bit of a predilection I have in my monster movies (that sounds sort of sick, but it is what it is). There is also a distinct Lovecraftian vibe to the large aliens. Never a bad thing.

The Bad:

The story portion of the film is a total fizzle. The cast is The Attack of the Television Actors, and while all the players are people whose work I have enjoyed, none of them, except my man Eric Balfour, belong in a film. And even Balfour is made to look stupid with the weak script and choppy direction. The Strause’s can direct action and craft awesome aliens, but they can’t evoke convincing portrayals from their actors. There was really not an honest emotional beat in the whole movie. And as we all know, without any character development no one is going to give two shits what happens to said characters. There was never a single drop of tension anywhere in this pointless movie, and the bombastic music was a key that they knew it, and were trying to drum up suspense using that cheap ploy.

Basically it was all shades of ID4, The Matrix, and a whole scene lifted directly out of Spielberg’s War of the Worlds. Once the action got started it was apparent that no one had any idea where to go with it, and so it mainly just sat there stewing in its own juices. It felt like Lord of the Rings: it kept going on every time I thought it was going to end. Wait until video for this one. When it’s in the Redbox. And you have a coupon. And you’ve watched everything else.

Trivia:

Apparently this film was entirely self-funded by the Strause brothers and was mostly filmed in and around their condo complex. Which just goes to show that no matter how much money and expertise you throw at the screen, it will not make up for a derivative story, a weak script, and characters who are little more than ciphers. I cannot imagine for the life of me why they thought this movie was worthy of their own personal finances. They could have invested in a string of really awesome low budget efforts instead, and given the cinematic world some originality. Oh well.

I was not quite so keen on seeing Megamind. Tina Fey is a treat, and I thought it would be fun to have Brad Pitt return to the land of animated films (I think the last time he did was Sinbad, a decade or so ago) but I am over Jonah Hill and Will Ferrell just depresses me. He showed how good he could be with Stranger Than Fiction, yet routinely does his Step-Brothers kind of dogshit. But my daughter was hip to see this one, and lord knows I watch a lot of crap for her sake. So off he went to the movies.

So the fact that I felt the need to even write a mini-review already tells you that I either really liked it or fucking hated it. Fortunately it is the former and not the latter. Because, contrary to popular opinion, I much prefer enjoying a movie than not. Sure, bad reviews are more fun to write, but ultimately I would like to not feel like I wasted my money. In this case, I think it was well spent, and I would urge anyone to see it before it leaves theaters as well.

Unfortunately it is difficult to give a synopsis of this film without getting into spoilers, so I’ll stick with the bigger picture. Right off the bat the film tackles the huge questions of nature versus nurture and racial inequality. Two capsules are fired from two different planets each involved in a galaxy-wide catastrophe: one contains a handsome white infant, while the other contains a large-headed blue humanoid. The white kid lands at a posh mansion and becomes the frat boy douchebag superhero Metroman, while the blue kid lands at a prison for the criminally gifted, but does not actually become a supervillain until he goes to school with Metroman, and is continually ignored and put down by the other normally-hued kids. Make what you will of all that commentary.

And as these things go, events unfold in such a way that Megamind learns that his destiny is not written in stone, but that he can remake himself into any image he chooses. When a much worse for the city foe named Tighten (he’s sort of dumb like that) shows up, it becomes up to Megamind to make the choice to do what is right, a stark contrast to the bill of goods he sold himself when he shrugged off his self-esteem and donned a black cape.

Now, all that probably sounds pretty preachy, and it is, as films aimed at kids tend to be. However, this film was smart enough to throw in lots of music and jokes that the parents would appreciate, and tons of easter eggs for comics fans. For instance, every time Megamind does something correctly (be it good or evil) we are treated to music such as Highway to Hell, Crazy Train, and Welcome to the Jungle. And the Tighten joke itself (he meant Titan) is one that would go over most kids’ heads.

But the real meat of the movie, for me, were the references. In addition to the obvious Superman stuff at the beginning, when Megamind pretends to be Tighten’s father he does an obvious Brando impersonation. Megamind’s minion is a fish in a bowl set atop a mechanical body that is very reminiscent of the alien in Robot Monster. Roxanne Ritchi, the Lois Lane-type character portrayed by Tina Fey, has a cameraman named Hal who wears a Watchmen smiley face button like The Comedian, which is a reference and a precursor to future events in the film. There is a really funny Karate Kid joke, and in the beginning, when baby Megamind is being put into his capsule, there is a large screen blinking the word PANIC. Maybe I am reading a Douglas Adams reference into that, but I like it so I am sticking with it.

The trivia page on IMDb also has a lot of stuff about references to comics, but I won’t repeat them here because I cannot verify them, but I am sure you comic geeks will notice them in the film (Rog, I am looking at you).

In the end, I think if you have a kid this is a good movie to take them to, one that will entertain while teaching them a good listen about how to be confident in themselves and not let other people dictate who they are or should be. But even if you don’t have a kid it is just a damned good time at the theater.

And if nothing else has persuaded you yet, Justin Theroux and Guillermo Del Toro are listed as creative consultants to the film, and word is Del Toro lent a hand in the editing department. That is a pretty strong pedigree as far as I am concerned.

I had wanted to see Devil on its open weekend, but my glamorous life of full-time job and helicopter parent kept me from doing so. But better late than never, I guess. The main reason I wanted to tackle this one, even in a mini format, was because I knew it was going to not be seen by a lot of people because of the Shyamalan backlash. So, as a point of information for you: while it was his idea and produced by his company, DEVIL WAS NEITHER WRITTEN NOR DIRECTED BY M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN. See? It’s safe to go see it after all.

What’s it about:

Devil is an ingeniously simple concept: five people get on an elevator, and they get dead in turn until we figure out which one is Satan up on Earth for a lark. And that’s pretty much it. There’s a cop with a tortured past trying to save the day, of course, but mostly it’s just the people in the elevator getting picked off like nits from a gorilla’s ass.

The Good:

The five characters are disparate enough to seem like random chance, but not as Village People-y as the bus occupants in Speed. The Final Destination events that occur to keep the people both incommunicado to the outside world and from being rescued are neatly explained away by Ramirez, a religious security guard in the building, who narrates the film with stories his mom told him as a child regarding how the devil likes to behave. With a fine coating of the supernatural we are free to let everything else go and anticipate who’s gonna die next and who the culprit may be. The casting was also well done in the sense that all the players should be familiar to you from their various smaller movie roles and TV work, but not so familiar that you pin any extra suspicion or sympathy on them.

The Bad:

Well, that sympathy issue is a big sticking point. While Devil’s 80-minute running time keeps proceedings tight and the pace fast, it also keeps us from ever building any intimacy with the characters. So while Devil is a fun movie, it’s never a tense one. It also leaves the opening event as a very loose end, and while the resolution in the elevator is more satisfying than a regular Shyamalan “what a tweest!”, the final scene in the movie is a bit weak and schmaltzy.

End Result:

As I look at what I wrote, I see that the good paragraph is a bit bigger than the bad, so I guess overall I liked the film. I think it is a fun Summer film. It will keep you guessing but won’t tax your brain in the way that a film like Inception would. It’s never tense or scary (unless you’re a tween, I guess, and with its PG-13 rating it will have a fair share of that audience) but it moves fast and never fucks with you as to whether it is supernatural or not, which is a pet peeve of mine. And considering it has made more than its budget in its opening week, you can undoubtedly expect to see the next two films in the proposed trilogy coming atcha pretty soon.

Trivia:

While the fireman named Kurtzy may not have been named for Bob Kurtzman, the former K in KNB Effects and director of such fine films as the first Wishmaster, the lawyer named Kazan and likable security guard named Lustig were surely not coincidences. Also, the annoying salesman in the elevator is Geoffrey Arend, the sonofabitch engaged to Christina Hendricks.